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Navigating Friendships As A Single Woman - The Change

When women get married, they change - period. If you happen to be the single friend, you notice.

The single friend at a dinner is the pariah. Every married woman is wondering why her husband is engaging in small talk with her. She is getting the evil stare from women across the room.

Each conversation is about how busy, busy, busy they are with being a wife and/or mother or how their husband is getting in their nerves.

Um, don't care to listen.

I am exaggerating a bit but people treat you differently when they are married and you are not.

I want to tell some people I can tell when I am being fed with a long handled spoon. Don't do me any favors. I accept if your world only has room for other married people and stories about giving birth. I would rather not participate anyway. I find it rather boring.

I just find it difficult to understand why the change?

Navigating Relationships As A Single Woman - Giving Advice

Being a single woman in a world of non singles takes some tricky navigating at times. I mean, I will listen to you complain about your husband but in reality I can only offer advice from single girl's perspective.

#Problem - Your husband has many female friends with whom he is still friendly. One particular chick calls late at night always needing his advice as a "friend." You have to be the one to "check" her. You start communicating with your ex because you and he are still "friends" even after a bad break up.

#My Opinion - Your husband is receiving some type of validation from this "friendly" relationship. Why should you have to "check" her? Why is he even friends with someone who could be so disrespectful? You reaching out to your ex is not the right thing to do. You are only doing so to get back at your husband.

Me being single I can see from a different perspective. If you do not like my point of view, don't bring up the issue.

Another Day, Another Compliment

The right compliment from the right guy can turn a blue day around.

I decided to become a bit more strategic with the flirtation. I put the exact flower, that this guy said was fake, on the left side of my hair to see what he would say.

Well, today, he looked at me and said, "Your hair, the flower, everything. . .you look so beautiful." I almost died. lol

Then he said he was in a hurry and could not stay.

What?

So what should my next step be?

Ironically, The Kid shoots me an email asking when can we hang out. I told him I would let him know. Was that rude?

Help me out here.

**Updated** The "Kid" is a separate guy (younger) very different from the guy who gives the compliments (older.) See this post.

A Flower for My Hair

Really short post ahead. . .

So the really cute delivery man notices the flower in my hair. What does he say?

"It's cute but it's not real."

Um, are you talking about the flower or my weave?

This is the second time I've worn a flower and the second time he questioned its realness. Ugh!

What are you a deliver guy or a horticulturists? Geez.

So I say, "Well, maybe someone needs to bring me one."

And he says, " One from Puerto Rico. I am going to Puerto Rico this weekend to visit my parents."Blah, blah, blah!

He better bring me back a flower or else this crush officially ends!!! LOL

Can Men Without Fathers Become Great Spouses?

I know that some men who are raised without the influence of their fathers can learn from that abandonment and become extraordinary fathers. I was wondering on this Father's Day, can men raised without a positive father in their life become nurturing and supportive husbands?

I was watching Waiting To Exhale last night and the character Gloria did not want to let her son Tarik go study abroad because she then would be alone. For some reason this storyline struck a nerve with me. I wondered, what type of man will Tarik grow up to be? Will he become a womanizer never settling because his mom is the love of his life.

 
  

I have met men who love their kids to death but have a somewhat strained antagonistic relationship with their wife, girlfriend, and/or baby's momma. I started thinking, what makes these men reluctant to forsake all others for the woman in their life?

Why is it that Sean "P. Diddy" Combs can feel no shame about being in a nationally televised interview talking about his six kids with multiple mothers. He just said he is a good dad but never mentioned being a good mate. Why is this the publicized example?

Is it because they have never seen a man tough it out and make his family work? Is it a lack of self-discipline and commitment?

No, seriously, what is it? I am still wondering.

A Little Lash and A Lot of Confidence

A few days ago I spoke of bionic dresses. I have experienced the power of the bionic body part. A smart little overlooked member that when endowed with bionic powers can master feats never mastered before.

I speak of the fake eyelash.

Don't laugh my friends. It really works.

  

I went down to the beauty school and had someone create me really old hollywood styled eyelashes. The effect on my eyes was brilliant. I received so many compliments. This past week I have been flirted with more overtly by the cutest of guys. When I say cute, I mean CAYUTE! lol

I am not sure if the lash itself possessed superhuman powers or if it gave me the added boost of confidence I lacked. I removed them last night, so I guess the day will tell. Whatever the source of my new found bionics, I must wield this power with care. lol

Do you have a bionic part? Discuss.

Yes Another Post About Single Women

When the music winds down, the night air is cool and breezy and friends sit together around a table why is it inevitable that the discussion turns to relationships.

The participants: 2 single women both the same age (30-ish), 1 single college student (too young to even be worried about what we are discussing) and 1 happily married man.

The Discussion: Varies from Common's fineness to bionic dresses (will discuss in later post) but mainly about being single, dating experiences, and relationship advice.

I don't expect a lot of coherence when a discussion involves the emptying of wine bottles during the process. As the discussion progressed, I started to wonder about some things. I hope the following does not offend anyone who was in attendance.

It is easy to look at a person and say, "So and so is single because she has issues and they are clearly X,Y and Z." I am so quick to point out their issues. Issues like; she is still in love with her ex, she is shallow, she does not know a good man when she sees him, she acts desperate.

Then again, I am single and that begs the question, "What are my issues?"

Clearly, I don't get out much, I am not that great at striking up conversations with perfect strangers, I am not a bar hopper or serial dater. I have actually tried to live my life as close as possible to what I have been taught was right. In my head, I tell myself that this is what God wants and when the time is right, Mr. Right will find you. Honestly, when another birthday passes and I am asked for the umpteenth time to be a bridesmaid, doubt creeps into my head.

Jill Scott No Likey Interracial Dating

I was a bit taken aback by this commentary in Essence Magazine by Jill Scott. In it she expresses her dismay at successful brothas who choose to marry interracially.

My first reaction was really? Are we really still having this argument in 2010?

People can marry whom they will. For every interracial couple, there are nine non-interracial couples. Either way - people, hopefully, are in love.

You know the moment when you realize that fine, accomplished brother is with a White woman? Let’s call it “the wince.” Three-time Grammy Award-winning artist, writer, actress, philanthropist, mother and all-around Renaissance woman, Jill Scott gets to the root of our feelings on the matter.

My new friend is handsome, African-American, intelligent and seemingly wealthy. He is an athlete, loves his momma, and is happily married to a White woman. I admit when I saw his wedding ring, I privately hoped. But something in me just knew he didn’t marry a sister. Although my guess hit the mark, when my friend told me his wife was indeed Caucasian, I felt my spirit…wince. I didn’t immediately understand it. My face read happy for you. My body showed no reaction to my inner pinch, but the sting was there, quiet like a mosquito under a summer dress. SOURCE

My second reaction was, am I being genuine? Do I or have I felt this wince? I have in the past, I got over it. As you grow, meet other people, and see the diversity of the world, you see that world is bigger than black and white. 

With that said, many good brothas would love a full-figured, confident woman who is about her business. Are you sending out "love me, I'm fabulous" vibes or "I'm bitter - now love me, or else" vibes?

Jill Scott  exudes confidence,charisma - AND she is freaking BEAUTIFUL!! Why stress over someone else's choice? I believe true love will find you when you are spiritually ready for it. Put God first and Mr. Right will come.

What do you guys think?

Seven Annoying Habits I Have Being Single

There is a certain freedom that come with being single. A freedom that is threatened with the introduction of a significant other in your life. When I seriously think about being married, I realize I would have to give up certain freedoms that another person might find rather annoying.

Like:

1. Wearing Granny Panties - I know, TMI, but they are sooo comfortable. This one goes hand-in-hand with - Matching Panties and Bra.

2. Farting - *blushing* I fart, ok. Usually, at night but, hey, it is just me. #Freedom
3. Eating Raw Garlic - I love garlic but usually shy away from it in social settings. At home alone, I eat it on salads raw. It is good for the heart, right?
4. My Hair Is Everywhere - Maybe I need to trim my ends but my hair seems to be everywhere. I just just leave where it lands until clean up day.
5. I Sing A Lot - This was way annoying to my sister but she's a hater. lol
6. I Hate Shaving - If I were a lesbian, I would be the hairiest lesbian you'd ever meet. I would not shave, wax, pluck or thread a darn thing on my body. I abhor it BUT I do it because it makes me look presentable, like a LADY.
7. I Don't Cook - I am seriously considering taking a culinary class when I graduate. I hear a way to man's heart is his stomach and I need a paved road.

What are some of your annoying habits? If you are married, what are some of your spouses annoying habits that you put up with?

 

My How Time Flys When Your Single

I will NOT disclose my age but as a point of reference I saw Waiting To Exhale in high school. I remember thinking to myself, "God don't let me end up like these women - 30, single and desperate."

Fast forward to now, I am watching Let's Talk About Pep, I am thinking, "God' don't let me end up like these women - late 30s, single, and desperate." lol

Where has the time gone? Who told me that I had to reach my goals before finding love? Where did I learn to be so afraid to take a chance?

Ugh. Have I become one of THOSE women?

NOT YET.

I tell you if one more birthday passes in singledom, I am joining a convent.

It would be just my luck to take my vow of celibacy and then meet the man of my dreams while helping orphans in Haiti.

*sidenote* I am not a nun but I do feel I have taken a vow of celibacy. lol

Remember I wrote about making the wrong choice between two guys and I made the wrong choice. Well, the guy I did not choose has resurfaced. I am stuck wondering is this a sign or wishful thinking?

*sidenote #2* I am falling behind on my resolution to get out more. I did attend a networking event last week but that's not the same as being social. IMO

Proclamation: This is the year I fall in love!