TalulaZoeApple

Things I Love To Wear Out

When I find something good, I stick with it! Music, food, clothes - whatever.

I am the type of person who starts to listen to a CD and does not finish the CD for months because I have kept one song on repeat. lol

I had a pair of jeans that I had for like 4 years. They were so perfect in fit, style, comfort - everything. Finally, the seam popped. lol I had to, remorsefully, put them in the trash.Now I do not have a good pair of jeans.

I wear out:

1. A good dress.

2. A flattering hair style.

3. A good song.

4. A great book. I have read, "Their Eyes Were Watching God", soooo many times.

I am definitely a "stayed too long at the fair" kind of girl. I am trying to find temperence in this area of my personality. I am also trying to venture out and try new things.

In the area of dating, I do not want to find a nice guy and keep him on repeat until the interest wears off. No used to getting sold on the very first one. *Cue Smokey Robinson.* I am going to shop around.

 

Smile, It Is Your Birthday

My sister woke me up with a phone call at 6:16 AM singing, "Its ya birthdya, it's ya birthday!" lol In my family we have an unofficial contest about who is the first to wish someone a happy birthday. So suffice it say, this year she has won.

In typical my-life fashion, the buildup to this day was drama filled. For 3 days last week, every time I looked at the clock the time showed 1:17. Like seriously. 

Then 2 nights before, I lost my file at work and had to redo an entire exercise that set me a full day behind all of my fellow trainees. 

Last night, some neighbor was blasting Indian rock. Yes, like rock music with a flair of India. 

I kept my cool. I was determined not to let the devil steal my joy because that is what he is - a thief.

A girl at work gave me a neat idea. Instead of going out and spending money on a birthday celebration day, treat myself to dance lessons. I may do acting classes or something equally fun! 

Happy, Happy, joy, joy! My joy belongs to me - a gift from God. I was extra joyous when I found out at the end of the day that on my next paycheck to expect a RAISE!!!

HALLELUJAH! Happy Birthday to me!

I Really Cannot Stand!

I really cannot stand when I visit my favorite blogs and there has not been any updates in like FOREVER! Do you guys feel that way about me. lol  *hangs head and walks away*

I really need some exciting things to occur in my life that are blog worthy. Sure I could make a great list of things that did NOT happen to me. Like, I did not get abducted by aliens but where would that get us.

*Random*

Kelly Rowland covered Marie Claire UK.

*Back to regularly scheduled programming*

I am going home for Christmas. Which is good news cause this cold is giving me the winter blues. Hoping for good weather and safe travels.

I am still loving the new gig though.

Need to find a pretty dress for a jazz social this weekend. I want something sparkly.

That pretty much sums up my week. I know my life is soooooo exciting right now. lol Hey but I am grateful to be alive *smiles*

Home Is Where Everyone Knows Your Name

I am feeling soo homesick right about now. I am so grateful to God that I am able to visit home. I have already purchased my plane tickets. Praying for traveling grace and great weather.

I wonder how long I will have to be employed at my current job before I am able to transfer. I am just not feeling Dallas anymore.

I could blame outside forces but it's really just me. Nothing here has a hold on me. Maybe I'll feel better when I visit home.

When I first moved here, I would visit home and could not WAIT to get back to Dallas. Now, I just feel I am missing something core from my life. I just do not want to move for the sake of having something new to do. Perhaps it is best to sit still and listen.

God knows and I pray that he will lead me in the right direction but I am truly open to what HE has in store for me.

Im So Excited. . .

. . .and I just can't hide it.

Got a new, better paying, better everything gig. The blessings of the Lord maketh rich and addeth no sorrow!

I think I am getting excited about a lot of things that I'd overlooked.

Excited that I am single with no kids. If I had either, I would not be able to take this job because it involves overnight travel.

I get to travel!

Being single with no kids is truly a gift. I have FREEDOM!

Freedom is priceless.

The one thing I envy about marriage is the two income thing. lol

Maybe I am wired to be the next Oprah minus the dogs and quasi husband.

Je ne sais pas.

But I do know, I'm just so darn excited.

I knew today wold be a good day. I payed for now new cases and when I got to work the lights went out! No new cases! Then I get the message that I got the new job. Everything's turning up roses, baby! lol

I love new beginnings! When they are happy that is!

 

An Organized House Equals An Organized Mind

For weeks I have been discombobulated. Yes, I have actually found context in which to use the word discombobulated.

I have been fretting over decisions about work, love, life!  As I stared discontent in space, I noticed the boxes still packed from my January move and thought - enough.

 

I spent the entire weekend organizing my room from the closet to the jewelry on my dresser. I can truthfully say that as I threw away trash and placed things in their proper place, my mind cleared.

I still have the rest of the house to go but my room is where I rest and recuperate.

Without focusing on the mess, I could see my own feelings clearer and why I felt a certain way about things. What I have learned:

1. It isn't Dallas that is making me anxious it's being/feeling lonely.

2. I am feeling lonely because I have not visited home in over a year, yikes!

3. I am feeling very disconnected with friends. One moved back to KC and others have other stuff going on I guess.

4. People MAKE time for the things and people that are important to them. *see above*

5. I need to date. Like for real.

6. I need to control my diet better and exercise more routinely.

6. I need to re-focus on my dreams and what brought me to Dallas in the first place.

All of this time, I have been bamboozled into thinking that I was frustrated with Dallas and needed to move. I am not ruling out a move if the opportunity presents itself but I have started to build a network here. I am not ready to forfeit just yet.

. . .and YES I have found context in which to use the word bamboozled! lol

Should I Stay Or Should I Go

I have been thinking about moving back to Chicago. Things are just not popping in Dallas. It's not that I don't have love for Dallas. I am just not in love with it anymore.

Maybe I am just extremely homesick having not been able to visit home in nearly a year. Truthfully, I think I have had just one too many disappointments.

Don't ge me wrong, I have had some great times here. You can just read through my archives to see that. I continuosly ask myself, is what I am gaining here worth being away from my mom and family.

I am leaning closer to no.

I had really defined goals of what I wanted to accomplish when I first moved here but things seem to be standing still as of late. I hate stagnancy. I hate indecision.

Maybe I need patience but 4 years is a long time already.

Cannot believe I have been here FOUR YEARS!

I will pray about it and see what direction the Lord leads me.

Stay or go, I am ready for whatever.

Operation: Make It Happen

Dreams: Future teaser or false impression.

I moved to Dallas on a high note; good job, good finances, great expectations. Now it has been four years and what a roller coaster ride. Not that I expected a bed of roses or anything but I did expect a bed with some good pillows.

Maybe that is part of the problem - I'm still dreaming.

I met a friend at work. She is part of Mission: Get Out and Mingle. We both moved here to Dallas from different states - she 4 months, I four years. We both decided that we need a concrete divine intervention. A sign of sorts to let us know if we are meant to be here or go home.

I keep having dreams of my family in a big house and I am there. The unclear part of the dream is whether I am living there or visiting. The clear part, my family is together and happy. The part of me that wants to go home is the big lonely part. The part of me that wants to stay is the hopeful, little dreamer. Another part somewhere in my spirit tucked between the other two feels that if I move home, it would be a big failure.

I came to Dallas for a change, to write my book, and make a name for me. I think I started out great but financially I am not where I planned. Took too long to find a great job that would finance my future. Maybe I am still thinking in the box or still lying in bed.

 

Anyway we - me and my friend - have set a date: April 26th. Why? It is her birthday and for me it is a totally random way of asking God to step in for me. Why ask God? Because the just shall live by faith.

Either way, we have got to make it happen.

On Roads Not Taken and Second Chances. . .Forget About It

The thought of the road not taken can haunt you unendingly without resolution. Just this constantly nagging, what if?

If you need to catch up, read this.

Long story short, I very rudely chose the very wrong guy over a very special friend. Said friend never spoke to me again for years.

I revisited the “what if” conundrum yesterday via FaceBook chat. Social Networking is a blessing and a curse. It’s even worse than email, I think.

So after a few lines of small chat, he jumps back into the, “What’s the guy’s name you pushed me away for?” So, I made a joke about having selective amnesia and tried to move forward. He kept at it. So I just wrote that if it made him feel any better that I really regret doing that. Technically, that is an apology, right?

One thing I am happy about is that I got to officially apologize for a situation though 10 years prior had obviously hurt a good friend’s feelings, so much so, he still brings it up after 10 years. I am such a nice person, too. Ah , the crazy things love can make you do! It is TOTALLY irrational.

There is time and distance between us and only memories of some good times that connect us. So, in the end, he is still around and not the guy I dissed him for, even if its’ only in the capacity of a friend.

I have come to the conclusion that where I am is the only place I can be. All things are working together for my good. And the road not taken is an illusion that no longer exists. What may or may not develop by this reconnection is supposed to happen exactly the way it will. No more looking back, I am ready to go forward.

Ten Best and Worst Moments of 2010

If you are a loyal reader of this blog then you can probably guess my list. I will give it a go anyway. Got the idea from a blog friend, Sincerely.

Best Moments of 2010

10. My Audition - Conquered a fear and had a blast. Did not get the part but it felt good all the  same.

9. Bionic Lashes - Found out how accenting one small part can have an gigantic effect on confidence.

8. My Adult Crush - I confessed years ago that I was a Serial Crusher. I thought I was in recovery until cute Puerto Rican guy came into my life. It was cute while it lasted.

7. The flower in my hair. Totally related to #8.

6. Susan G. Komen 5k Walk/Run for the Cure. Did it! Awesome! Here's hoping there is a cure soon.

5. My Niece and nephew visiting me for the summer. We had a blast. Looking forward to next summer.

4.  Graduation - It was such a long time coming. My family came to visit and everything. The first time they had been to see me since my 3 years being here. Had a blast.

3. Getting a job after being laid off.

2. Not losing anyone or anything this year!

1. My sister having a bouncing baby boy after being told she could never have children.

It goes without saying that I am happy to be alive, for my family and friends and my readers. I love you guys. I am happy to know God who gives me the confidence to face any year with assurance and peace.

Worst Moments of 2010

After writing my 10 best moments, I am feeling to grateful to write a 10 worst moments. So tell me your best or worst moments of 2010.