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Navigating Friendships As A Single Woman - The Change

When women get married, they change - period. If you happen to be the single friend, you notice.

The single friend at a dinner is the pariah. Every married woman is wondering why her husband is engaging in small talk with her. She is getting the evil stare from women across the room.

Each conversation is about how busy, busy, busy they are with being a wife and/or mother or how their husband is getting in their nerves.

Um, don't care to listen.

I am exaggerating a bit but people treat you differently when they are married and you are not.

I want to tell some people I can tell when I am being fed with a long handled spoon. Don't do me any favors. I accept if your world only has room for other married people and stories about giving birth. I would rather not participate anyway. I find it rather boring.

I just find it difficult to understand why the change?

Navigating Relationships As A Single Woman - Giving Advice

Being a single woman in a world of non singles takes some tricky navigating at times. I mean, I will listen to you complain about your husband but in reality I can only offer advice from single girl's perspective.

#Problem - Your husband has many female friends with whom he is still friendly. One particular chick calls late at night always needing his advice as a "friend." You have to be the one to "check" her. You start communicating with your ex because you and he are still "friends" even after a bad break up.

#My Opinion - Your husband is receiving some type of validation from this "friendly" relationship. Why should you have to "check" her? Why is he even friends with someone who could be so disrespectful? You reaching out to your ex is not the right thing to do. You are only doing so to get back at your husband.

Me being single I can see from a different perspective. If you do not like my point of view, don't bring up the issue.

Like I Remember You

Facebook is a blessing and a curse.

Brian McKnight has a song called, I Remember You. In it he reminisces fondly about a childhood friend. There is a lyric that asks, "Do you remember me, like I remember you?"

Facebook makes me ask this very same question about a guy I went to high school with - very, very gorgeous and smart and funny and. . .gorgeous. lol

He was so sweet to me being a slightly chunky nerd of a girl and this meant a lot to me. Anyway, he would say things and do things that made me feel less awkward and pretty. He being gorgeous and all, football player and all, popular and all makes me wonder if he even remembers any of these things.

I looked at his page to see he is happily married with kids. So it would be very inappropriate to ask him this question but I still wonder. . .

. . .do you remember me, like I remember you.

A Little Lash and A Lot of Confidence

A few days ago I spoke of bionic dresses. I have experienced the power of the bionic body part. A smart little overlooked member that when endowed with bionic powers can master feats never mastered before.

I speak of the fake eyelash.

Don't laugh my friends. It really works.

  

I went down to the beauty school and had someone create me really old hollywood styled eyelashes. The effect on my eyes was brilliant. I received so many compliments. This past week I have been flirted with more overtly by the cutest of guys. When I say cute, I mean CAYUTE! lol

I am not sure if the lash itself possessed superhuman powers or if it gave me the added boost of confidence I lacked. I removed them last night, so I guess the day will tell. Whatever the source of my new found bionics, I must wield this power with care. lol

Do you have a bionic part? Discuss.

Bionic Dresses and Other Reasons To Work Out

Some people have a certain weight they would like to attain or a certain outfit they would like to fit. I have a state of being I would like to reach.

I want to be bionic.

Not in a robotic, uncanny valley sort of way but femininely superhuman.

I used to feel bionic. I would put on a dress back when I was a size 10-11 and short circuits. lol

This dress is BIONIC! 

That is my goal when working out and eating from this day forward.

Once I am stopping traffic again with one strut down a side walk, leaping over haters in a single bound, and catching fish without hooks, I will have reached my goal.

Until then. . .

Yes Another Post About Single Women

When the music winds down, the night air is cool and breezy and friends sit together around a table why is it inevitable that the discussion turns to relationships.

The participants: 2 single women both the same age (30-ish), 1 single college student (too young to even be worried about what we are discussing) and 1 happily married man.

The Discussion: Varies from Common's fineness to bionic dresses (will discuss in later post) but mainly about being single, dating experiences, and relationship advice.

I don't expect a lot of coherence when a discussion involves the emptying of wine bottles during the process. As the discussion progressed, I started to wonder about some things. I hope the following does not offend anyone who was in attendance.

It is easy to look at a person and say, "So and so is single because she has issues and they are clearly X,Y and Z." I am so quick to point out their issues. Issues like; she is still in love with her ex, she is shallow, she does not know a good man when she sees him, she acts desperate.

Then again, I am single and that begs the question, "What are my issues?"

Clearly, I don't get out much, I am not that great at striking up conversations with perfect strangers, I am not a bar hopper or serial dater. I have actually tried to live my life as close as possible to what I have been taught was right. In my head, I tell myself that this is what God wants and when the time is right, Mr. Right will find you. Honestly, when another birthday passes and I am asked for the umpteenth time to be a bridesmaid, doubt creeps into my head.

Jill Scott No Likey Interracial Dating

I was a bit taken aback by this commentary in Essence Magazine by Jill Scott. In it she expresses her dismay at successful brothas who choose to marry interracially.

My first reaction was really? Are we really still having this argument in 2010?

People can marry whom they will. For every interracial couple, there are nine non-interracial couples. Either way - people, hopefully, are in love.

You know the moment when you realize that fine, accomplished brother is with a White woman? Let’s call it “the wince.” Three-time Grammy Award-winning artist, writer, actress, philanthropist, mother and all-around Renaissance woman, Jill Scott gets to the root of our feelings on the matter.

My new friend is handsome, African-American, intelligent and seemingly wealthy. He is an athlete, loves his momma, and is happily married to a White woman. I admit when I saw his wedding ring, I privately hoped. But something in me just knew he didn’t marry a sister. Although my guess hit the mark, when my friend told me his wife was indeed Caucasian, I felt my spirit…wince. I didn’t immediately understand it. My face read happy for you. My body showed no reaction to my inner pinch, but the sting was there, quiet like a mosquito under a summer dress. SOURCE

My second reaction was, am I being genuine? Do I or have I felt this wince? I have in the past, I got over it. As you grow, meet other people, and see the diversity of the world, you see that world is bigger than black and white. 

With that said, many good brothas would love a full-figured, confident woman who is about her business. Are you sending out "love me, I'm fabulous" vibes or "I'm bitter - now love me, or else" vibes?

Jill Scott  exudes confidence,charisma - AND she is freaking BEAUTIFUL!! Why stress over someone else's choice? I believe true love will find you when you are spiritually ready for it. Put God first and Mr. Right will come.

What do you guys think?

Seven Annoying Habits I Have Being Single

There is a certain freedom that come with being single. A freedom that is threatened with the introduction of a significant other in your life. When I seriously think about being married, I realize I would have to give up certain freedoms that another person might find rather annoying.

Like:

1. Wearing Granny Panties - I know, TMI, but they are sooo comfortable. This one goes hand-in-hand with - Matching Panties and Bra.

2. Farting - *blushing* I fart, ok. Usually, at night but, hey, it is just me. #Freedom
3. Eating Raw Garlic - I love garlic but usually shy away from it in social settings. At home alone, I eat it on salads raw. It is good for the heart, right?
4. My Hair Is Everywhere - Maybe I need to trim my ends but my hair seems to be everywhere. I just just leave where it lands until clean up day.
5. I Sing A Lot - This was way annoying to my sister but she's a hater. lol
6. I Hate Shaving - If I were a lesbian, I would be the hairiest lesbian you'd ever meet. I would not shave, wax, pluck or thread a darn thing on my body. I abhor it BUT I do it because it makes me look presentable, like a LADY.
7. I Don't Cook - I am seriously considering taking a culinary class when I graduate. I hear a way to man's heart is his stomach and I need a paved road.

What are some of your annoying habits? If you are married, what are some of your spouses annoying habits that you put up with?

 

Here's to Keeping Keeping Promises. . .

. . .to myself.

I made a couple of resolutions this year. Those were my main, public goals. To myself, I promised to get out more. More specifically, to go to a social event 2 times a month.

I went to a Jazz cafe for my birthday and a networking dinner for a professional group I belong to. At this dinner, I met a nice young man who had just completed his MBA. I felt confident and cute. I was flirtatious and witty, even if I must say so myself! lol

I don't know where this confidence came from but I am loving it. At the end of the dinner, the guy shook my hand and gave me his card. I gave him mine. He has not called yet but that is beside the point. The point is I got out and was sociable and . . .fearless.

Secondly, I promised the Lord, if he blessed me with a job (and He did) I would volunteer. I wanted to use the talents God has given me to give back.

Well, I have an audition coming up for a group that records reading material for the blind. I really would like to do this. Just to show how God is always working things out, I'll tell this little story.

I get to the reading center, the volunteer coordinator is giving me a tour of the facilities. I see the name of a friend's husband's friend's wife. You follow?

I helped this loose contact a couple of months ago with a clothing swap fundraiser for her playhouse. I had NO idea she was the book coordinator for the reading for the blind facility. She has worked with them for 23 years!!!

Hopefully, this is where God wants me to be.

Also, my goal is to be faithful at the house of God. I think I know what church to go to now.

Where are you on resolutions?

Stay prayerful guys.

Life Imitating Art Imitating Life? - YaVaughnie Wilkins

Women when will we learn, unless you are rich and famous singer, a jump-off will never replace the wife.

Clearly, the lovely YaVaughnie- yes you read that correctly - did not get that memo. She took a cue from the Girlfriend's episode "The Importance of Being Frank," in order to get revenge on her former long-term MARRIED boyfriend.

If you recall during the Girlfriends episode, which aired back in 2000, Joan is dating a married man unknowingly. The married wife goes berserk, but in the end decides to get her revenge in a very public way. She buys a billboard across from her husband's office with his face on a dog's body.

Well, YaVaughnie Wilkins, was not taking no lying down. She put up a billboard in Times Square AND setup a website with all of the their romantic pics over the years. WOW.

I know she probably bought the billboard out of anger and hurt but come on, son! You know the game, if you decide to play. No man with anything to lose EVER leaves his wife for the other woman. IT'S CHEAPER TO KEEP HER as Johnnie Taylor would say.

I hate to tell this just makes her appear scorned and loopy.

P.S. I tried to check out the website http://www.charlesphillipsandyavaughniewilkins.com/ but it has been removed. LOL. DON't JUDGE ME!!!!