TalulaZoeApple

"You Would Make A Wonderful Mother"

At a Starbucks with a few ladies and the conversation gathered around the subject of children. I mentioned to the ladies that I had always wanted to adopt a child even as a really young girl. Two of the more mature ladies say, "Oh you would make a wonderful mother." I have NO idea why but I almost choked up a little.

Craziness!

It is especially crazy seeing that the other woman present had previously said to me, "You just don't like children."  lol

Truth is - I love children. I would love to have a houseful as long as I am in a happy marriage and financially set. 

What I absolutely do not love is the idea of pushing a baby out of my va-jay-jay! lol Whose idea was that? I guess that is the best method of delivery and women have been doing it for millenia but um. . .

I actually dreamed once several years back that I was at a dining room table introducing someone to my four children. They all had black shiny, curly hair. 

Most of my dreams have been coming true so time will tell. But the timing is God's. I will submit to that. 

Until then I will enjoy my freedom. 

Smile, It Is Your Birthday

My sister woke me up with a phone call at 6:16 AM singing, "Its ya birthdya, it's ya birthday!" lol In my family we have an unofficial contest about who is the first to wish someone a happy birthday. So suffice it say, this year she has won.

In typical my-life fashion, the buildup to this day was drama filled. For 3 days last week, every time I looked at the clock the time showed 1:17. Like seriously. 

Then 2 nights before, I lost my file at work and had to redo an entire exercise that set me a full day behind all of my fellow trainees. 

Last night, some neighbor was blasting Indian rock. Yes, like rock music with a flair of India. 

I kept my cool. I was determined not to let the devil steal my joy because that is what he is - a thief.

A girl at work gave me a neat idea. Instead of going out and spending money on a birthday celebration day, treat myself to dance lessons. I may do acting classes or something equally fun! 

Happy, Happy, joy, joy! My joy belongs to me - a gift from God. I was extra joyous when I found out at the end of the day that on my next paycheck to expect a RAISE!!!

HALLELUJAH! Happy Birthday to me!

Great Expectations Parte Deux

I love my blog.

It gives me the ability to peer back into my life to the date and time and really SEE how God works things out for me.

Peep this, on 11/08/10 I wrote a post entitled Great Expectations. In said post, I stated what I expected from God and what I think God expects from me - faithfulness. God is ever faithful, I am the one who continuously falls short. Well in this post I also ask God for a new job with great benefits and 1 year nearly to the DAY, I started a new job with GREAT benefits.

*In my Joey Lawrence voice* Whoa!

Ugh! Deja vu all over again!

Here I am with a list of desires from God and my second week in a row not being faithful - in worship, in giving.

Thank God for Jesus - His grace is sufficient for someone imperfect like me.

What I expect from God is His continued grace and mercy for me and my family, an amazing husband prefaced by a serendipitous encounter (*insider*), great friends, and my family together with me again. I want my business and book to be a great success bigger than my wildest dreams. After all, I am ready!

Now that is a whopper of a list but God created the universe surely he can handle my little world.

P.S. I am really excited now.

Thanks to all of my blog readers, even when you dont comment. I know you are there.

Home Is Where Everyone Knows Your Name

I am feeling soo homesick right about now. I am so grateful to God that I am able to visit home. I have already purchased my plane tickets. Praying for traveling grace and great weather.

I wonder how long I will have to be employed at my current job before I am able to transfer. I am just not feeling Dallas anymore.

I could blame outside forces but it's really just me. Nothing here has a hold on me. Maybe I'll feel better when I visit home.

When I first moved here, I would visit home and could not WAIT to get back to Dallas. Now, I just feel I am missing something core from my life. I just do not want to move for the sake of having something new to do. Perhaps it is best to sit still and listen.

God knows and I pray that he will lead me in the right direction but I am truly open to what HE has in store for me.

Prayer Changes Things

It really does. I am continuously reminded of this truth when I let go and just pray. The key is after you pray to STOP worrying. I know it's easier said than done.

There is this phenomenon known as the Cassandra Complex.  Cassandra is a character from Greek mythology that was granted the gift of prophecy but later cursed that no one would believe her.

I feel like Cassandra sometimes. It seems I can predict certain things, not in a psychic kind of way, but in a read the signs and know the destination kinda way. No matter how I scream and warn, people still take the wrong left. I used to let others choices worry me. This can really way on your spirit.

I just decided to stop worrying and prayed about a situation and GOD FIXED IT. Like, right away, turn the tides, peace be still, kind of way.

All I can say is. . .AMEN!

Is Celibacy A Necessity For the Single Christian?

You all should know my view on this but for discussion's sake, I'll entertain the question.

I grew up in the holy, sanctified Church of God in Christ. Girls wore no pants, make up. We were not allowed to listen to secular music. Everyone knew that sex before marriage was a grave sin.

Times have changed in the COGIC world and christiandom at large. It's not uncommon for many women to have a little Mac in their bag next to that well-worn and highlighted King James.

But how relaxed is too lax?

I have met many Christians with varying beliefs on drinking, tithing, clothes and music. I choose not to judge either way. Are there somethings that are black or white, yes or no?

I was listening to a woman who was upset that the man she had been dating and sleeping with had gotten her and 2 other women pregnant. She expressed shock over this man who knew the Word in and out. Her shock was at the fact that he was not faithful to her.

I believe the real commitment of a celibate life is not between two individuals but between you and God.  (Thanks The Old Black Church) So if you are not faithful to God, how can you be faithful to another flawed human being?

Let that marinate, while I sip some tea.  

A Christian follows Christ, follows the words of Christ i.e. the Bible.

I think a lot of Christians find sex a hard thing to give up especially when it's so easy to give in to. Many are not taught how to live a celibate life. Sex is the ultimate don't ask, don't tell for some.

And then there are those statistics. Like churches being up to 80 percent women, 70 percent of black women never getting married. You hear that long enough and even the mose faithful can feel pressured to settle for "shacking" lol. How old is that term?  Yet, some Christians love the Lord, love the Word and a little something else. lol

What say you?

 

Should I Stay Or Should I Go

I have been thinking about moving back to Chicago. Things are just not popping in Dallas. It's not that I don't have love for Dallas. I am just not in love with it anymore.

Maybe I am just extremely homesick having not been able to visit home in nearly a year. Truthfully, I think I have had just one too many disappointments.

Don't ge me wrong, I have had some great times here. You can just read through my archives to see that. I continuosly ask myself, is what I am gaining here worth being away from my mom and family.

I am leaning closer to no.

I had really defined goals of what I wanted to accomplish when I first moved here but things seem to be standing still as of late. I hate stagnancy. I hate indecision.

Maybe I need patience but 4 years is a long time already.

Cannot believe I have been here FOUR YEARS!

I will pray about it and see what direction the Lord leads me.

Stay or go, I am ready for whatever.

Church Socials Or The Dreaded Singles' Event

I recently attended a singles' event at a local church. It was designed like a "play date" event. I thought why not? I had sworn off such a events previously because they are just too weird. The first one I attended, a couple of years ago , alone. It was a party-type atmosphere at a converted club. The behavior was weird. People sat around not knowing how to act. Should you dance, mingle? What dance goes with Kirk Franklin? Just W-I-E-R-D.

 

 So I and friend stopped by a festival first grabbed a bite to eat and headed over to the church. En route my friend says, "You know the game is on tonight?" So the singles' social was planned on a night when most men will be home watching the Mavericks play.

Ominous, much?

We get there and after a few boring Uno games, we mosey over to the Outburts table. A  slightly more fun game of Outburst and all the men are chanting, "Turn On the Game!"

After the Outburst game finally ends, all of the guys in unison head for the exits.

As a single Christian, I understand the need for socials in which you can meet like-minded people for a little fun, get-ta-know-ya. I think it will help if  active singles actually plan the events. May be have it outside of the church campus?

Have any of you attended a great Christian social event? Please describe.

Operation: Make It Happen

Dreams: Future teaser or false impression.

I moved to Dallas on a high note; good job, good finances, great expectations. Now it has been four years and what a roller coaster ride. Not that I expected a bed of roses or anything but I did expect a bed with some good pillows.

Maybe that is part of the problem - I'm still dreaming.

I met a friend at work. She is part of Mission: Get Out and Mingle. We both moved here to Dallas from different states - she 4 months, I four years. We both decided that we need a concrete divine intervention. A sign of sorts to let us know if we are meant to be here or go home.

I keep having dreams of my family in a big house and I am there. The unclear part of the dream is whether I am living there or visiting. The clear part, my family is together and happy. The part of me that wants to go home is the big lonely part. The part of me that wants to stay is the hopeful, little dreamer. Another part somewhere in my spirit tucked between the other two feels that if I move home, it would be a big failure.

I came to Dallas for a change, to write my book, and make a name for me. I think I started out great but financially I am not where I planned. Took too long to find a great job that would finance my future. Maybe I am still thinking in the box or still lying in bed.

 

Anyway we - me and my friend - have set a date: April 26th. Why? It is her birthday and for me it is a totally random way of asking God to step in for me. Why ask God? Because the just shall live by faith.

Either way, we have got to make it happen.

Why I Needed A Massage and Why It Didn't Work

 have been super stressed!!! My neck felt like someone had tied knots in it. My new job is a daily pressure to manage an ever growing caseload of files while meeting participation numbers that have variables outside of my control. I have yet to get my house in order. I am slowly making progress on some bills but for every triumph a new challenge awaits. Through it all, I am still trying to grow this blog and finish my book.

So I get a coupon for a massage, facial, and hand treatment for $75. Sure $75 in like $1,000 when you are counting every bill but I NEED to relax. I tried meditation and it worked like twice after that I could not block out all of the noise.The knots kept tightening.

The masseuse begins my session. This woman (black like me) talks like for half of my session. Doesn't she understand that eyes closed means mouth closed. Plus she kept pressing too hard on my right side after I told her it hurt. All day yesterday and this morning my right side of my back has been KILLING me.

I am just so frustrated, I don't know what to do.

I am steady appyling for jobs but no calls yet. I keep trying. 

On a lighter note, I did manage to go out to a dinner party my apartment management company held. I met a girl from Mexico interning here for a while. We decide to see Dallas together. For all the time I have been here, I have never really seen the sites. Next Sunday we got some $15 tickets to the Texas Ballet. My friend is stationed here with her job maybe we can hangout a few times as well. Perhaps going out will relieve my stress because work is . . . ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am grateful for my job. I am grateful for my job. I am gratefull for my job.

What do you wear to a ballet?