TalulaZoeApple

Life Imitating Art Imitating Life? - YaVaughnie Wilkins

Women when will we learn, unless you are rich and famous singer, a jump-off will never replace the wife.

Clearly, the lovely YaVaughnie- yes you read that correctly - did not get that memo. She took a cue from the Girlfriend's episode "The Importance of Being Frank," in order to get revenge on her former long-term MARRIED boyfriend.

If you recall during the Girlfriends episode, which aired back in 2000, Joan is dating a married man unknowingly. The married wife goes berserk, but in the end decides to get her revenge in a very public way. She buys a billboard across from her husband's office with his face on a dog's body.

Well, YaVaughnie Wilkins, was not taking no lying down. She put up a billboard in Times Square AND setup a website with all of the their romantic pics over the years. WOW.

I know she probably bought the billboard out of anger and hurt but come on, son! You know the game, if you decide to play. No man with anything to lose EVER leaves his wife for the other woman. IT'S CHEAPER TO KEEP HER as Johnnie Taylor would say.

I hate to tell this just makes her appear scorned and loopy.

P.S. I tried to check out the website http://www.charlesphillipsandyavaughniewilkins.com/ but it has been removed. LOL. DON't JUDGE ME!!!!

Open Letter To the Talkative Bathroom Lady

Dear Woman in the Stall Next to Me:

I am not sure of bathroom etiquette where you are from BUT 'round these parts stall time is a period of silent reflection. I must navigate this germ hole without serious injury and without peeing down my leg as I squat. I am also pondering the self-loathing issues that keep me wearing pantyhose and enduring the torture they inevitable bring especially around bathroom time.

Needless to say, I don't have time for small talk and getting to know ya through the aluminum partitions. The fact that you had to repeat yourself several times before I responded, should have been a hint to my wariness in entering this discussion.

I only responded because I thought you were in an emergency situation or, at the very least, needed tissue. Inquiring about the day's program does not an emergency make.

Thanks to you, tactless bathroom lady, I am upset at our little repartee and now must repent before entering the sanctuary for all the crazy things I am thinking about you.

Sincerely,

TZA

My Twitter Ramblings

Twitter is a funny little world. There are celebrities, businesses, regular folk and bloggers all mixing it up with one another.

It's also peculiar that everyone feels the need to dispense wisdom via a 140 characters. I started a little meem entitled #causeimdeep. Here are a few proverbs from www.twitter.com/Talulazoeapple

I listen to Sade when I clean #Causeimdeep

I drink tea with my pinky cup while day dreaming #Causeimdeep

I tweet about other people's drama and not my own #causeimdeep

I saw a dead squirrel on ,my walking trail, I poured out a little water in memorium #causeimdeep

Trust in the Lord and lean not 2 ur own understanding. In all thy ways acknowldge him, and He shall direct thy paths #causeimdeep

I put lol at the end of sentences when I am really serious about what I just wrote. #causeimdeep (lol)

Love is like Jello, and there's always room for Jello #causeimdeep

If u get caught in the rain, remember the sun will shine again #causeimdeep

If an elevator misses ur floor, you have an extra ride to get it right #causeimdeep

See I mixed in a few serious tweets with my jokes. . .  #Causeimdeep

Follow me on Twitter!!!!!!!

Tiny and Toya Spoof

If you have ever seen the Tiny and Toya Show on BET you will TOTALLY get this video. If not, you will TOTALLY laught at this video. HILARIOUS!

 

 

I Wish I Were A Little Bit Taller. . .

Remember that song by Skee-LO. It was a huge hit circa 1995.

Have you ever felt that if something was just a little different about you, your whole life could change?

Have you ever been in a public area and seen a child throw a tantrum and look to the heavens and say, "I WISH I were this child's mother so that I could shake the devil out of him/her?" LOL. Kidding. NEVER SHAKE A CHILD. . . in public. LOL

At what point do you stop wishing and MAKE IT HAPPEN?

My Goals for the remaining year:

1. Work out at least 3x per week.
2. Eat more FRESH fruit and vegetable.
3. Pay off credit card.
4. Win the LOTTO! Create sound financial plan to accomplish goals.
5. Go on a date!! A REAL ONE! LOL
6. HIRE A MAID!!! Outsourcing in this sense is good thing America!

What is on your wish list that you want to MAKE happen this year?

Things I Saw On My Sunday Walk

Today I decided to do a picture story. You can fill in the ending.

  
On my walk I looked for signs,

Signs of life, Signs of the time.

I saw a purple flower, surrounded by a sea of gold.

I saw warnings. Yet I pressed forward.

Sometimes you can't see the forest for the trees.

Is there anything sadder than a Christmas tree in the daytime, before Thanksgiving without lights?

The sign states that all pets should be on a leash. LOL

Blogging Is So Like Exercise. . .

. . .it's so hard to start back up after a long break, but it feels so good after you're done.

**WARNING**This post is filled with odds and ends.

I completed my semester. Yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 2 "A's" and a "B". One more semester people and it's a wrap.

Was at the grocery store and saw the foxiest sixty-ish year old woman alive. She had on a fur coat, mini-skirt, high- heels, and a head wrap. I wanted to yell at her, "Momma, you betta weeerrrkkk!!!!"

Where is Usher? Why isn't he singing songs? I am so sick of these new R&B guys with whiny voices and no abs!!!! LOL!

I am really feeling working out at the "real" gym. Since school is out, I am gonna try to go more than twice a week.

I was gonna do a post about the "Michaeljacksonfication" of Sammy Sosa, but every time I look at this picture, I get grossed out.

 

So is Vivica Fox dating 50 cent again? If so, why? Didn't he totally diss her on Howard Stern or something?

Anyway, what's up in your world?
 

A Few Golden Kernals of Wisdom I Would Like To Impart To You

Dearest Readers,

1. Please invest in a head-to-toe mirror.
2. Get up a little extra for work.
3. If you feel a breeze indoors, something ain't right.

Let me explain.

I work literally 7-10 minutes from my employer. Unfortunately for me, I have been getting up later and later. So I rush the hair and makeup, so what, right, I am only 7-10 minutes away.

Well, this one particular morning I was cutting it a bit too close. I rushed out of the house, heading into the building and then I run into the cutest guy in the world. He is making conversation as I enter the door. I am grinning and laughing. I get to my desk and pull out my compact only to see a big white streak of sunscreen across my face.

**In Dwight's voice** "How Dreadful?!?!"

It gets better folks. I was wearing a lace black skirt that has a lace satin slip underneath. This stupid dress kept getting caught on everything - my bracelets, the wall -everything.

I happen to feel a breeze or two. I go to the restroom to find a big rip in the satin right around my upper thigh area. Um, yeah, my big golden butt is exposed to the world. A clever maneuvering of my blouse kept me from returning home but still . . .

"How dreadful?!"

Because You Need To Laugh

Okay, I gotta corny joke for you:

A woman brought her pet duck into the vet.

She placed the limp duck on the examination table.

The vet thoroughly examined him and said, regretfully, "I am sorry ma'am you're duck is dead."

 

The woman cried, "no, maybe he is in a coma. I need for you to check again."

The vet rolled his eyes and left the room.

He returned with a dog who cautiously sniffed the duck and shook his head.

The vet exclaimed again, "I am sorry your duck is dead."

"No," the woman cried. "He can't be. Check again."

The vet left and returned with a cat who sniffed the duck and shook his head.

The woman finally accepted this and the vet brought her the bill.

"What? $150 for a dead duck?!!!"

The vet replied, "It would have just cost you $50 had you taken my diagnosis but the lab report and the CAT scan were EXTRA.!!!

HAPPY THURSDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How Exciting Is My Life?

(sarcasm)

I drove all the way to Fort Worth Texas for my class to partake in the slendiforousness of the Will Rogers Memorial Center.

Who is Will Rogers, you ask? Well, he my friend is an actor, activist, and rodeo/lasso champ. Read more here (it is actually pretty interesting.)

(/sarcasm)

Real talk, I do want to visit a rodeo this year. LOL

P.S. Don't be jealous. LOL